Blank 20 5-20-15

It is harder to be clean. I like cocaine, I won't lie to you. My Carson psychiatrist says stimulants effect me differently. I'm living with my parents again, but I've almost got my own place. I need my own apartment so I can get my kids Lonny and Dan back. Lonny is only two, and Dan is six. I signed a release paper so my Carson therapist can talk with my Department of Children and Families. She only talks with DCF when I'm in the room, listening. No more secrets, that's how I'm going to make it.

You know, I took extra of the anxiety meds I was supposed to last night. I'm telling everyone--my Probation Officer, my Carson therapist and psychiatrist, my DCF worker. My therapist says I should get a sponsor at Narcotics Anonymous. I go to meetings, but I will get a sponsor, she's right. One of the reasons I need to get out of my parents' place is that they are both still drinking. They have been my whole life. My Carson therapist says that's one of the reasons it is so hard for me to stay clean and sober.

My other five kids are with my sister and my aunt. I'm not going to get them back, but I get to see them. I've got a full time job. I told them they can talk to my PO every week about my urine test so we all know how I'm doing. No secrets and no trying to do it alone. It's the only way forward.

by JAC Patrissi