I Make a Lot of Money 6-16-15

I make a lot of money. Most of the women in my support group at the Carson Center don’t. I investigate international money fraud schemes for large banks. I profile the scammers. Russian mafia, Ponzi schemers. It’s really interesting work to me. I work with the Masters of the Universe, taking them down. And when you do, they come after you. I’m used to it at work. But I didn’t think it would happen at home.

I tried to get help. My girlfriends and my old therapist told me that I just intimidated my husband because I make so much more money than he does, and that he just needed a way to feel powerful because I make him insecure.

You see, my husband made some bad investments in his business. Now he is trying to figure out what to do. He went to a couple of men’s weekends away and he came back with a great idea. He said that he that it would be great for our relationship if he sexually dominated me. I said, “Are you kidding me?” He was not kidding. He said he thought it would be “exciting” if he just sexually assaulted me spontaneously some day. I thought he was going through something strange, but that he could not be serious. We have been married five years. Eleven days ago, he put his hands around my neck and squeezed and tried to rape me. I got away by slamming him into the wall, so that he let go. I got out of the house and got a restraining order. He was gone when I got back. I packed up all of his things.

My brother in law told me that because I have financial resources, it wasn’t really abuse, because I have my own job and money and that I must have made my husband not feel like a man.

What is this? How did it get to be my fault?

The only place people understand what is happening is at the Carson Center support group for women questioning the health of their relationships. None of us are the same in that group—not the same race, not the same education, not the same income. But we understand things that so many other people don’t want to understand. And that shared understanding makes me strong.

By JAC Patrissi